If you find that you are seeking these relationships and ignoring the thrill of your attractions of deprivation, then celebrate. We realize that time is ticking, that we are growing tired of living and sleeping alone. Many of us are quite happy living solo.)When we’re willing to let go of our flight patterns; when we find ways to meet people who share our values; and when we only have second or third dates with people who hold the promise of becoming attractions of inspiration, then things really begin to change.You’re on the path to a relationship that can sustain a future of love.3. Chatting online but never taking the steps to meet. Leading with your authentic self may seem on the surface like an easy thing, but it’s not.I've boiled the dating process down to four steps that are likely to lead.… Ken founded Deeper Dating, a dating event which has brought insight and intimacy to thousands of singles of all ages & life-circumstances.His psycho-spiritual approach to intimacy called "Gift Theory" has received acclaim from prominent psychotherapists and personal growth experts and has resonated.… Deeper Dating How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy goes beyond the typical dating advice book to help you get more from yourself and relationships.…These attractions are based upon a (basically) consistent quality of shared kindness, generosity, and emotional availability. We don’t feel consistently bigger or smaller than the object of our affections.In some basic way, we feel what the 12-step programs call “right sized.” But most of us have never been taught that these relationships have a trajectory of their own.
In time, (and often with guidance) we begin to seek what I call attractions of inspiration. The joy we feel in these relationships doesn’t come from conquest or momentary validation, but from an essential quality of contentment we feel with our partners.
You’re on the path to a relationship that can sustain a future of love. Yet, as I describe in my book It’s easy to become attracted to people who can almost commit; people who treat us wonderfully and then diminish, demean or ignore us.
I've found that four conditions often forecast the advent of real and healthy love. These relationships are usually highly charged and gnawingly addictive. We try to be funnier, more successful or more in shape, so that our desired one will finally want us as much as we want them. At a certain point, (and usually as a result of tremendous pain) we begin to lose our taste for relationships that chip away at our sense of self-worth.
These are the people who deserve to see the real us: our wild self, our kinky self, our unshared ideas, our tender soul.
And by the way, that’s precisely why these are the scariest relationships of all.
Perhaps, thinking back to our childhood, we hear echoes of the same accusations.